The Happiest Place on Earth

One of my first jobs was as a busboy in the “Quality Inn” hotel on Harbor Blvd. near Disneyland. Unfortunately, I can’t recommend it. (If you think about it, the name says it all: Does Hilton need to call itself a “quality” hotel?) It wasn’t particularly nice when I was working there and I can’t imagine it got better during the past twenty years.

photo: Anthony Marais

Unfortunately, Disneyland itself hasn’t gotten better during the past twenty years. Tomorrowland has been revamped, and ruined: the Peoplemover, Skyway, Rocket Jets, and Mission to Mars—the white-plastic vision of a clean future—are gone. Today’s Tomorrowland resembles Pittsburgh’s yesterday: a rusty, brown view of the world à la Bladerunner, Matrix or Alien—take your pick. Moreover, they’ve built, for an additional charge, an over-priced extension in the parking lot called “California Park.” But wasn’t it already a California park? Walt once commented: “After I die, I would hate to look down at this studio and find everything in a mess.” Why California? Why not more of New Orleans or Adventureland? Why not add a new exotic or fantastic locale? Disneyland used to bring the world to Californians; now it brings California to the world.

Tim Burton

And can someone tell me what Star Wars, Roger Rabbit, Indiana Jones and The Nightmare before Christmas have to do with Walt Disney? When I was young, one of my favorite attractions was the Adventure through Inner Space—a nuclear era theme ride about a scientist’s attempt to shrink himself down to the size of an atom. I can still remember his voice, speaking with a haunting fascination as snowflakes grew to the size of houses and an enormous eye in a microscope peered down onto me; finally reaching the pulsating red nucleus of an atom with giant electrons whirling around it with an unforgettable swishing sound was a climactic experience, and by the time I exited that bulbous blue seat, I was ready to become a scientist! Today, the ten-year-old youngster sits in a flight simulator for ten minutes, getting bumped, jerked and vibrated into a frenzy firing laser guns at an enemy ship while C3PO cheers him on. Equally ecstatic, he leaves the attraction and makes a b-line to the local army recruitment center.